Posts Tagged ‘2-star’

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Monday, May 23rd, 2011

Think of the Pirates franchise as one of those Kraft crackers ‘n’ cheese packages. Everything starts out fine; you got your crackers, you got plenty of viscous cheese paste, and you got that little useless plastic stick to use as an ersatz trowel for combining the two into one flavor sensation.

You clutch the first cracker in your left hand, the plastic stick with your right, you balance the tiny pot of iridescent, cheese-flavored cholesterol on your thigh, and you begin your journey to FlavorLand.*

(*NOTE: As I type this out, I imagine this scene taking place on an Amtrak train, headed from Chicago to LA, in 1972. Bits of cheese stick to a man’s handlebar mustache as he brushes stray cracker crumbs off his blue, white, and red tartan sport coat. His hair is receding, but his soft, light brown curls still pool thickly against the back of his neck. He is wearing white loafers.) (more…)

Point Break

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

That is some 90s-ass hair.When watching a movie like Point Break, it’s often the case that you may try to compare it to movies that are of the same genre but also “make sense.” This is a fool’s errand, and will only lead to madness. Instead, it is best to do what the screenwriter, actors, stunt coordinators, editor, and myriad other cast and crew obviously did: imbibe a great quantity of illicit narcotics and watch the pretty colors as they fly by. (more…)

Watchmen

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009

The dead body in the alley has more acting ability than her.Watchmen, both the comic and the movie, suffers from a kind of Two Face schizophrenia. In the comic, Moore’s dialog vacillates from very good to over-worked “style for style’s sake” pap. For instance, the Rorschach psychotherapist scenes were well done, while a lot of Rorschach’s half-sentence fragments, especially later in the story, felt tin to me, like Moore was simply trying too hard. His plotting has a similarly vexing quality. The intertwining of The Black Freighter theme, the psychological realism of the main characters that plays on throughout the narrative, and moments of the prison sequence are all handled with such finesse that they seem to jump off the page. But each of these are moments of brilliance layered on top of lunacy that, at least for me, take the reader out of the story completely. To put it succinctly, he’ll ask the question “why can’t the comic medium be taken seriously as an art form?” and he’ll answer “because I have a giant alien squid for the deus ex machina of my grand finale.”
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