Archive for the ‘Viewing Site’ Category

Iron Man 2

Sunday, May 9th, 2010

I can remember a time when I was about 16 that I was at a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. We were standing around after the game, trying to get autographs from players as they left the parking lot across the street from the firehouse on Waveland Avenue. I don’t remember much about the game; I don’t remember who the Cubs were playing, or what the score was, or who won (though, let’s be honest, it probably wasn’t the Cubs). What I do remember, though, was Mark Grace walking to his car. He was dressed in a pastel silk suit that Tony Montana would consider over the top, and had two women with him that looked like they had sprung fully-formed from the mind of someone with a dirtier imagination than an ancient Greek god’s. He got into a Porsche with the girls, and left without signing any autographs.

I knew at that moment that I’d never be Mark Grace. (more…)

Angels & Demons

Wednesday, April 21st, 2010

I believe it’s Einstein’s theory of relativity that states the faster you travel, the slower that time (relative to a fixed point) passes for you. I got a C in Einsteinian physics, which is why I’m not making hundreds of dollars as a theoretical physicist, but it follows from this theory that you could ostensibly travel into the “future” simply by flying around at a high enough rate of speed. This leads one to wonder: is it possible that Opie Taylor’s plot in 2009’s Angels & Demons was whipping along fast enough that Robert Langdon (Buffy Wilson) was able to pass into the future and figure out its Rubick’s Cubian braintwisters in advance? This still wouldn’t explain how he was able to return to his time frame of reference to save the world, but if I had to guess I’d say it had something to do with black holes, or wormholes. Or, at the very least, plotholes. (more…)

Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

I reserve “zero star” ratings for movies I can’t even get through (see: The Big Hit), and I got through this. “One star” ratings are for movies that offend my sensibilities on a visceral level, movies that simply shouldn’t have been made, movies that are a waste of time, both for the creators and the viewers. One star reviews are reserved for movies like Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist. (more…)

Juno

Tuesday, December 8th, 2009

Get it? Stripes aren't slimming! <i>Irony.</i>

Juno got a lot of positive press, at least in part because the screenwriter, Diablo Cody, is an ex-stripper with a rockabilly haircut and a knack for pseudo-ironic dialog that is either poking fun at the hipster ethos of “irony over all” or is paying homage to the same. Given how I chose to take the dialog, the latter would be pretty ironic. I try not to think about it too hard—it’s turtles all the way down. (more…)

2012

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

Oh no! Touchdown Jesus!When the end of the world finally comes, you can be relatively certain that somewhere in the æther Roland Emmerich will be taking notes and comparing it to his œuvre. (And yes, I’m very proud I was able to use both “æ” and “œ” in one sentence, thank you for noticing.) His films are destruction pornography for anarchists: there’s a brief, plot-thin, badly-acted intro, a few uncomfortable moments of fumbling around, and the next thing you know the pool boy is naked and the Earth is being death-humped by aliens. And like porn, they are exciting, entertaining in the way you expect, and leave you feeling a little dirty afterward. (more…)